Haute Couture is Dead: A Look at Haute Fashion Disasters for Spring 2006 from Chanel, Jean Paul Gaultier, Christian Dior, Giorgio Armani, Lacroix, Anne Valerie Hash, Revillon, Elie Saab, and Valentino
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Haute Couture is Dead

 

by Alex George

I hear the death bells ringing. This accusation has been leveled before, but never in my 15 years of reviewing Haute Couture have I seen such self-indulgent, tiresome, unimaginative fashion as we have seen with this latest unleashing for the Spring/Summer 2006 lines just this past week in France.

We see the great blaze that is the funeral pyre of Haute Couture; from Lagerfeld’s cloistered insistence on the relevance of Coco Chanel to the contemporary cultural landscape to Galliano’s ridiculous attempt to overtly politicize his fashion collection with anti-creative swaths of red and little skeleton janglies. Not to mention his own outfit, I mean I like Pirates of the Caribbean too but come on Peter Pan let’s bring it back to earth. If I wanted my fashion to be a cliché I’d have Steven Speilberg design a dress for me.

Classic Chanel Skirt and Blazer combo Fashion Haute Coutrue

 

  Galliano the Pirtate Fashion Haute Coutrue  

A Look at Haute Fashion Disasters for Spring 2006

Gaultier’s Gibraltar

Crumbling into the sea of 70’s revisionism and celebrating the gaudiest fashion icons in the process - on the scale of bad taste Gaultier falls somewhere between the king of Jordan and Vivica Fox. These pieces call to mind the style of the early Mel Gibson flick Mad Max. Remember Tina Turner, now she rocked the desert warrior of the future look, but I’m not going to the Academy Awards dressed like that. When your fantasies are Mel Gibson remakes you’re in trouble.

Gaultier 70s Revisionism Fashion Haute Coutrue   Gaultier Mad Max Queen of the Desert Fashion Haute Coutrue  


Speaking of Fantasies

Revillon Lost His Fashion Communicator

I half expected to hear “Beam me up, Scottie!” at the Revillon Runway on Tuesday as Revillon Released his latest fashion blunder; a foray into a childhood obsession with sci-fi gone sour. The only thing missing from these bland, overly simplified, neo-futuristic pieces were the Star Trek communicator pins. In some cases it looked like a mixture of sci-fi and D & D. If this agrandizment of child ego is now considered legit Haute Couture, then I fold.

Revillon Gray Star Trek Haute Coutrue Fashion   Revillon Silver Star Trek Fashion  
 
 


[Valerie] Hash(ing) it Out

This usually anal retentive designer finally let it all go and made a big fashion bomb. Mx. Hash did have one great piece, but I’m not going to tell you which one it was. Instead I’m going to show you what I like to call ‘The Tumor’ and another ‘Hash on Acid’. These two pieces deliver with distasteful ease, the hangman’s rope. This is not ‘high fashion’ but rather a highly personal emotional and psychological embolism played out on a runway.

Hash with Tumor Haute Couture Fashion
  Hash on Acid Haute Couture Fashion  


Armani – A Name Without Talent

For being one of the most prominent names in fashion (even my redneck brother-in-law knows the Armani name) Armani consistently under-performs at these high-fashion events. He’s good at ready to wear, but when it comes to artistry he’s stifled. Witness this dress straight out of Zena: Princess Warrior; I mean come on, would that really excite the imagination of an adult?

Armani Princess Dress Haute Couture Fashion
     


Lacroix Goes Giddy for The Kitsch and Kiddy

Lacroix likes to dress his women like a fantastic mix between Peter Pan, Alice In Wonderland and A Mid-Summer Nights Dream. If you’re looking for a lighthearted dress that oozes childhood sentimentality then Lacroix is your man. I like this dress the best, it so reminds me of Alice – are you ready for the rabbit hole?

Lacroix goes to Wonderland Haute Couture Fashion        


Saab Em(Belle)ishment – Better Cars Than Couture

Ellie Saab has released yet another Southern Belle parade of gowns and cocktail dresses that want to be such. I’m not saying the guy doesn’t have class – but it stuck in European colonialisma and American plantationism. The best advice Saab could ever hope to get is “get out of your buggy and hop into my Maserati, I’ll show you what this post-modern world is all about”.

Sabb Visits Ante-Bellum South Haute Couture Fashion        

A Valentine for Valentino

Oh My Valentino, if only you could learn to grow wings, you could fly.
Saucy modernism and hermit habits have made you shy.
Let go let loose let your imagination drive.
Your talent will certainly shot-gun ride.
Will you be my Valentine-Oh!?

You will certainly find the couture dress of your dreams for a Valentine’s Day date in Valentino’s collection, but hardly a creative thought to spare.

Valentino Valentine Haute Couture Fashion        


The Spring Couture Lacks a Depth of Artistic Themes

My major disappointment with the Spring/Summer 2006 Couture is its lack of artistry. For me, the couture collections are a time to shine a little radical light into the bowels of the fashion beast. To come up with new expressions on a Shakespearean level. I want to tremble with excitement and joy and fear when I see the new collections come out, not see a bunch of fashion designers overtly flaunting their personal stories on the runway. For me, each piece should be like a new painting or a live rock show. I want fashion that is powerful.