Take the Dating Initiative; Land Yourself a Man

 

by Alice Brome

I’m 29 and single, I love dating and would like to get married in my mid 30’s. When I’m not with a boyfriend I often find myself dateless and without many prospects, but I’m always seeing cute guys around. This is a dating story about how my perspective has changed and I’m now having more fun dates than ever.

I was out to dinner with my single girlfriend Kelly the a few months ago, when I saw this cute blond guy a few tables down. He was also eating with a friend. About half way through the meal he caught me starring – how embarrassed was I?! Not so embarrassed that I stopped looking in his direction. We proceeded to do the stare-smile-flirt thing for the next 30 minutes. My girlfriend and I inevitably started talking about crushes and flirting and what my next move should be.

As we left the restaurant I gave him one more peek and he flashed a huge flirty grin! I was so excited I was almost blushing, but what did I do then? I had this information – that guy over there (who I’m very attracted to) seems to think I’m attractive. I hesitated for a moment and then walked straight out the door. “I wished that he had asked me out.” I told Kelly. She responded that I should walk right back in there, go right up to him, and invite him out for a drink – “He’ll think it’s totally hot!” she insisted.

It took me a good 5 minutes on the sidewalk, but I finally mustered the courage. I introduced myself asked his name (Gregor, with an accent) and invited him for a drink. I think those were the longest 30 seconds of my life. It felt like an out-of-body experience as I slowly floated above the room aghast at what I was doing. Really? Was I that desperate, what must he think of me, oh-my-god I look like a fool! All these thoughts and more raced through my mind but I pushed onward feeling that this was the right thing to do if only I could overcome my fear.

Finally, I finished my short spiel and awaited his reaction. Well I didn’t have to wait more than a half a second for his huge smile to burst open again as he said “Sure I’d love to meet up with you for a drink.” I gave him my number and we made plans for him to call me the next day to set something up. It was an exhilarating moment of proving myself to myself. I basked in the glory of my achievement all night.

Control Your Dating Destiny

I realized that this was a major role reversal for me and that from now on I was going to have more personal power over what happens for me and to me in any given situation. Moreover, I realized that this is what men experience all the time, the fear of rejection and defeat but more importantly the ecstasy and omnipotence of victory. I felt as if my whole life had changed in the blink of an eye. I was now lord of all I surveyed before me. What intoxication, what power!

Well after a few moments the heights of my delusions wore off, but the satisfaction of knowing I had made a bold move stuck with me. This is a whole new dating paradigm for me; I don’t have to wait to be asked I can go after the man I want directly.

Go to Him – He Likes It

I’ve been learning that some of my previous assumptions about guys and dating are just plain wrong. After talking to several men about dating I found out two reality altering perspective shifts for me. 1 – Guys often don’t ask girls out because they are just as nervous. I had no idea this was the case. I’ve been thinking my whole life that even the dorkiest guy has all the confidence he needs to ask a girl out. “Most guys are more shy than you think, they sit around and talk about who to ask out just like women do.” Says Mark Anderson of Boston. 2 – Most guys think it’s totally hot to be asked out. “It’s an utter misconception that guys will think you are lame if you ask them out. I’ve only been asked out once but I wish it would happen more. Every guy I know thinks it’s totally flattering for a girl to initiate.” Daniel Moore, Manhattan.

An Assertive Woman; Not Just For Boardrooms Anymore

It is 2006 after all. We need not be stuck in the 60’s or even the 80’s. What I don’t understand is that we (women) can all be very assertive at work these days and propel ourselves up the corporate ladder. We can go adventuring by ourselves across the world without so much as a second glance. We can challenge men for superiority in so many areas of society and culture, yet when it comes to romance and dating we feel that we have to take the passive role. I think it’s about time we take a more active role in our own dating destinies.

Perfect Date? Not!

In the end my date with Gregor was fun but not exhilarating we had a few drinks and talked on the phone a couple of times but we just didn’t click beyond that first moment of chemistry, he was insipidly narcissistic and just plain boring. That’s just fine by me though because I took something far more important away from what was otherwise a couple of just above bland conversations. I have learned how to take control of my dating destiny. I’m not saying I don’t want to be asked out ever again, but I am saying that I won’t hesitate to pursue an interesting man ever again.

Besides, if you are reading down at the coffee house one day and you are feeling a little bored, what better way to spice things up than to ask out a stranger – I bet you’ll be glad you did.

Since my dating revelation I have bitten the bullet two more times, once meeting with failure due to the fact that he had a girlfriend and once meeting with success! (Although I’m not sure how much success at this point.) We’ve gone on two fun dates and we have a third planned. We are at that point of either becoming friends or moving on to something a little more serious. In either case my new life skill is sure to prove useful in my dating future.

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